Non-Negotiables and Setting Boundaries
Are your non-negotiables supported by boundaries?
When it comes to planning what your life looks like outside of your work, I love using the concept of non-negotiables. Back when I was working in my full-time capacity as a global vice-president, I would pose the question to my family over dinner on Sunday night: What are your non-negotiables this week? Like, what absolutely has to happen for you to feel fulfilled in this busy family? My son usually wanted me to do bedtime. My husband wanted to be able to play in his weekly golf league. My daughter wanted me to drive her to dance and watch (she also always wanted a whoopie pie from the special bakery next to the dance studio, but mama didn’t believe that was a non-negotiable). Their non-negotiables were mine, maybe because it helped with my mom guilt, along with the need to move my body daily and meditate multiples a week.
It was a cute and meaningful practice, asking for their input on what was important to prioritize, but a practice prone to a major flaw — not f$#@ing up the non-negotiables.
You see, there was inevitably collaboration with west coasters that stretched into bedtime. A CEO call scheduled during golf night, after all the kids were home from activities and very hungry. A PR crisis that started around dance drop-off and lasted for days.
I found it challenging to honor the non-negotiables AND feel like a reliable leader…
I had a misconception that reliable also meant rapid. That reliable meant you couldn’t propose a new time. Sometimes I was right, and I never gave myself the opportunity to figure out if I was wrong. Until the day I came across this social post…
Source: https://www.instagram.com/adamgrant
Insert exploding head emoji!
I’m a little embarrassed that it took a social post (albeit from Adam Grant who is most intelligent) to make me realize that I was living a life without boundaries. I’d built my reputation on anticipating the needs of those above me and delivering before I was asked. It was a calculus that worked to progress my career, but felt very broken in the present day. Because every Slack that I picked up my phone to respond to during bedtime, every email that I jumped back upstairs to answer while dinner was cooking, every meeting invite that I accepted even though the time didn’t work for me, was an example of me disappointing myself or my family instead of holding a boundary.
So what did I do? I hired a coach. I defined my boundaries and ways to implement them while still upholding my responsibilities.
I found that I could still feel like a fantastic achiever, without underachieving with whom it mattered most…
I am honored to hold space for women who need a reset without the big sacrifice of changing jobs or careers. Often small changes can have the biggest impact.
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About the author
Hey there, I’m Meghan
As a former corporate executive, I understand firsthand the challenges of balancing career ambitions with personal well-being. And I know that, with changes small or big, life can feel so much better.
As a mama of three, communications consultant, energy worker and bravery cultivator, I am all about you having all that you want. Because I believe that every woman is worthy of her dreams and has the power to bring them to life with the mindset and plan.
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